Friday Confessions: Cold Hands

Every time I’ll encounter a moment that has something to do with flirting or liking someone, life seems to say to me, “When life gives you lemons, it will give you an exotic one so you’ll have a hard time gaining it again.”

Just like with my “I Fell For..” blog posts series about Vance, this is another blog post that depicts how life hates me and let me meet a cute guy during a very unexpected and unpredictable time –the kind of only-one-percent-chance-will-destiny-let-you-meet-this-guy-again moment.  And this time, I would call it Cold Hands.

I’m really not sure why I’m writing this blog but I think it’s because of the fact that it made me feel different at that moment and I want to remember it every time I’ll read this post in the future. (Well, I guess, you’re lucky that you’re reading this one.)

Anyway, did you ever experienced sitting next to a complete stranger and as time progresses and your butts heating your seats, you realized that the person beside you is actually ALIVE?

Alive in the way that every time your skin touches each other, you feel comfort in that little interaction. Alive in a way that your arms are actually beside each other with your blood flowing through each other’s veins. Alive in a way that after several years of existence, you are actually touching this stranger’s arm with yours that have been molded by his family and life’s challenges.

Well these little things make up the big things –these little things that, eventually, created this little smile on my face and this feeling that I know I won’t feel again until he does it to me again.

It’s weird. Really weird to feel something like this to a stranger.  Honestly, I don’t know if this thing is just me or this thing that I’m feeling is stupid and lame.

But when I saw him in my peripheral vision looking at me , I know, well, it seems he also knows that I’m alive and he can feel my arm against his. Unless, there’s something really distracting in my face that made him look at me.  😛

Honestly, I haven’t seen his face clearly. I only got to see him with my peripheral vision. And when I finally got out of the public transportation, how I wish I looked at him because, who knows, that may be the last time that I’ll see him again.

Damn. I never felt like this to a strange before. I never felt myself wishing I could stay more time inside a public transportation with a stranger sitting beside me.

And.. I never hated the way his head almost fall down on my shoulder because he’s fast asleep. And when he realized that he was slowly falling to me, he reached for the vehicle’s pole to cling to it and let his face fall on it while facing me. Yeah, I did not get mad at him for that though his face was just several inches away from me –THOUGH there are other people staring at us and looking at what he is doing.

It was then when I realized that I cannot do the PDA or the Public Display of Affection. I can feel this girl in front of me judging me on how I was taking care of the situation. Well, actually they are two…so, it’s kinda awkward.

But, then, I tried my best to show to them my “I-know-right-I-bet-you-can’t-do-this” face which I think made them look envy. Hahaha I really don’t know.

Oh God. You have know idea how I hate myself for not looking at him and PRETENDING that I’m not looking at him with my peripheral vision. Especially, MOST ESPECIALLY, when I got home and laid my back across the bed.

Damn, I was stupid.

If people aren’t judgmental or if he would not be surprised if I touched his hand, I would do the latter to thank him for making me feel that way. But it was then when I realized that my hands are sweating and realized eventually, that it has been cold during the entire trip of sitting beside him.

 

P.S. I recommend you to listen to this song while reading this post. :))

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