I’m not born to be popular.

I realized this fact during 5th grade when I ran for sergeant at arms in the school’s pupil council (a.k.a. student government) and lost.

Well, considering the fact that my fellow running mates and opponents’ flyers are better than my hand-written ones, I expected that I’m going to lose. Also, the fact that I need to mingle with the 6th graders who are a year ahead of me makes me want to lose more, on the other hand.

I really can’t remember the reason why I decided to run in the election but let us presume and it was probably because of pressure or my desire to be popular. (Smart kids are well-known in the campus. You know, I can be a little pretentious sometimes.)

Nevertheless, on my next year of running in the election as secretary and a 6th grader, I finally won. (Kudos to my improved flyers, hehe.) But, of course, I’ll admit, one of the biggest factor why I won is because of my seniority. Senior kids are popular and powerful, right? So, I don’t fully believe that I won because of my popularity neither for my 10-second speech during the meeting de avance.

I am still unpopular when I graduated in elementary.

High school. Before I entered this stage of my life, I did not expect to be popular. How can I if I cannot even do in a small private grade school? I only remember caring about getting my high school life and not my popularity during these times.

Nevertheless, I started to crave for popularity again during junior year when I realized that everyone around me is getting popular. Thus, I grabbed every opportunity that’ll open a gate for this goal. I joined the school paper organization and even joined public speaking contests that I did not ever imagined doing in my head before.

Fortunately, I guess I was able to slightly reach my goal when I realized that people gradually starts recognizing me in the hallways, which, of course, made my heart delighted. But I’m not yet fully popular. I’m just a star who’s still trying to work on its shine.

Senior year is the year when the final point of my charisma reached its farthest. I can definitely say that I am popular after hundreds of students gave me an applause after reciting my oratorical speech.

That was a golden moment in my life. I couldn’t halt myself from smiling because of the ecstasy I feel. I even got the chance to do a handshake with the school principal, which, I did not expect and a sign of being popular.

Eventually, I won in the contest but I did not hide the fact to myself that one of the reasons why I won is because, once again, of my seniority. I even became the literary editor of the school paper because of this. That’s when I realized that I am popular not because I am Andrea. ┬áInstead, I am popular because I am Andrea the Senior.

Nonetheless, my little star did not manage to compose its shine against other campus personalities who shine like the sun. Thus, during Recognition Day, my popularity seems like a dot against the top achievers of the school.

Thus, I graduated from high school with a tiny spec of popularity in me. (An achievement compared to the unpopular during grade school.)

My college life is not yet fully done so I cannot evaluate my popularity level at this stage. However, it was during this period when I decided to build my own YouTube channel and become a vlogger.

Well, I attempted. I did try my best but it seems that my current best is not yet enough to gain audience and give their subscriptions to me. Thus, (sighs) my attempt to have a YouTube career is an epitome of a fiasco. That’s when I fully realized that I am not charismatic and should stay away in front of the camera. (But not for taking selfies haha.)

I did join organizations inside our college. (Joining “orgs” is a way of being famous in college.) But because of the fact that college studies should be taken seriously, I wasn’t able to give enough time to these orgs. Thus, I am currently an unpopular college student who attends her classes regularly.

Frankly, I really don’t want to be popular in my college years. I just want to finish my studies and be one of the cum laudes during the Commencement Exercises. I guess, I’ll just preserve that popularity allotted for my college (if there was any) for my desire to be a popular director in the future after I finish film school. Plus, I really don’t know the worth of becoming popular in college. It’s useless especially if you are only popular for your face.

Well, that is how unpopular I am in the passed 17 years of my life. Maybe I am unpopular because I don’t talk too much; I am unpopular because I am not charismatic and pretty enough; ┬áI am unpopular because I am not liberated enough. But here’s the thing: I don’t want to be popular just because I want to be cool and be adored by others; I want to be popular because I want to reach the top. And if reaching the top means being unpopular for the initial years of my life, I’ll accept it because I am sure, I am going to feel that golden moment once again (or even a better golden moment). I don’t why I’m certain about this but I can feel it and I can also feel that God also wants the same thing to happen.

Any thoughts?

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